saying i love you and not hearing it back reddit

I would've been worried if getting slapped or made to feel like an a hole for a remark like that. I don't have a time, just whenever it feels right I guess? 1. I love you, too." I did end up completing that sentence first though. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. Best stupid move I have ever made. On our second date I told her "I pretty much have always loved you" and she said the same. Probably like a month, month and a half for the actual "I love you", but I got a lot of "I hate you" in "I love you" situations, because she was waiting/afraid to say it so soon. I also know that love in the beginning is different from love at 3 years in or 30 years in. I love you, too." You already said you love him. I can sense it… but he just won’t say it. That was about 12 years ago... we've been married 10 years and have kids. Saying it more than once without hearing it back is just as emotionally gut-wrenching as the first time. Both of us clearly felt it but were holding back because it felt too soon. I said yes. I am usually the first to say it. I've just learned to accept that my husband has other qualities that are more important to me than romance. ... Saying “I love you” doesn’t mean that … Saying I love you. I know there have been a few threads regarding whether or not to say "I love you" and more, but just hear me out. After so long, you just need to hear it. I hid in my mom's bathroom because he had never seen me cry and I was embarrassed. You want him and you love him but you don’t need him. You can also ask them about how they generally choose to show people they care and ask how they like to be cared for. The problem with “I look forward to hearing from you” is that it removes you from the active role and puts you in a subservient one. My fiancé said it to me (and I said back immediately) less than two weeks into dating. To me, these potent three words have a deep meaning that reaches into the vulnerable side of ‘self’ that I’m not quite comfortable to visit. In profound love, it is activities, rather than words, that count most. The shortest was two weeks. Now, you’re just waiting passively for a response rather than moving the email thread forward, and your recipient may not even know what you want from them. My husband also takes it very seriously. 6 months in? In my mind, the only thing scarier than saying, "I love you" when you mean it is not saying it. He didn't bat an eye and just kept saying it over the next couple weeks and I'd roll my eyes at him. In my experience it doesn't take long to initially fall in love even though, as you said, love changes and deepens over time. i guess over 6 months I'd probably start to get worried, but every guy I've been with have dropped the L word EARLY (with my husband dropping it 3 days before we officially started dating. I think 10 months is more than enough time, but for him it apparently isn’t. He didn’t say it back. There may not be an exact right time to say “I love you” — but how do you respond to someone who says the words when you’re not ready to say them back? She did, after 2 months. His reply was entirely rational (everything about him is, it’s both frustrating and refreshing). Now every year on that date he does the same thing. The words are important but some people weigh them differently than others. you're genuinely very lucky. A couple of minutes later, she called back and said, "Did you just say 'I love you'?" That can give you insight into how they show love. I said I had to go and I could tell she was worried that I was freaking out about the I love you's. He did. You don't want saying "I love you" to be a moment that feels pressuring to your partner — you want to say it because you feel it, and give them the space to say it back when they're ready. I’ve always wanted to tell him but have never really had the guts to as sometimes I don’t know how he feels. If I tell a woman I love her, I'm not [messing] around. He's gotten much better at saying "I love you" but even that took some time for him to feel comfortable saying it on a regular basis. One night, we were saying goodbye, and I said, "I love you." You say it when you mean it, according to whatever the word "love" means to you. “Do not fall victim to that.” Olver warns against lying and saying “I love you” back just so that you don’t hurt your SO. I tend to say it pretty early because I'm emotionally intense and feel powerful affection/what I'd describe as love quickly and easily. "I’m not ready to say that back, but I do know that you’re important to me." Those people may also not be very romantic, either. 1. this just made me tear up. It was dumb, it really was. In a recent study, 64% of participants were likely to think women were the first to say they were in love, and these professions were estimated to occur close to 2 months into a relationship (Ackerman, Griskevicius, & Li, 2011). It doesn't necessarily mean your partner isn't invested or doesn't care about you -- the "right" timeline is whatever feels right to you. Yeah, it was a little soon, but I just kept pushing through the relationship until I was ready to say it too. You can't put a timeline on falling in love. She hung up. She was quiet for a moment, then said, "I thought that was what you said. One night, we were saying goodbye, and I said, "I love you." Four months in, he woke me up in the middle of the night and said he couldn't wait any longer, that he had to tell me he loved me. "Only when I absolutely mean it. But sometimes it can make us nervous, and that's pretty normal. While I was a little concerned he went out of his way to show me he cared in other ways like buying my favorite candy or doing other nice things. No. But I did love all of those people, and in a way, I still do. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. I've been dating my SO (both mid-20s) for about 6 months, and told him a few weeks ago that I love him. On the flip side when do you feel it's too soon? Give him some space. Yeah I feel ya. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. A couple of minutes later, she called back and said, "Did you just say 'I love you'?" The longest I've waited to say love in a romantic relationship was maybe 4 months. We had just spent our first weekend together to see what the feelings we had towards one another were the same, and holy hell, they were. It’s out there and he knows how you feel. My sister and I were just looking at each other like O_O, New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. To them saying "I love you" means "I want to be with you forever". Still very happily together 3 months later. He hasn’t ever told me he loves me. Saying "I love you" is a Hallmark response. It was midway through sex, in fact mid-thrust. My immediate response was to laugh and say "No you don't". We lived an hours' drive apart, and only saw each other once a week, so we talked on the phone every night after I got home from work. Other people feel differently about it and are more reserved, and that's okay. But don't you always feel "powerful affection" when it's new? Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Every night before bed I get a kiss and a goodnight and I lay there wondering why he’s not saying it, feeling it. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. There may be many reasons for not saying "I love you" that are not necessarily because of a lack of love. About 3 weeks in. If one of you is a bit less vocal, but one of you really needs to hear it, you have to meet in the middle. I cannot even imagine the poo fest when she called back. I said it first, several weeks into the relationship. I feel like he purposely started saying it more and more in hopes that I would say it back, and I did but more out of pressure than anything. Just as she finished laughing at some awkward thing I did she said, "I lov-" and realizing what she was saying she walked out of the room. We were 16 years old. Dude, this is one of those things you shouldn't try to quantify. 6. I (18)F have been with my boyfriend (20)M for two years now. She laughed and told me to go on home. Love is patient, love is kind, and most of all, love scares people. As part of our commitment to that mission, the AskWomen subreddit is curated to promote respectful and on-topic discussions, and not serve as a debate subreddit. I think I do love her but what does that even mean? So OP's SO is needing "words of affirmation" from OP in order to feel loved. He did 5 months after we started dating on Valentines Day. One night, lying in bed cuddling I asked "Would it be crazy if I said I loved you?" Needing to hear "I love you back" is exactly a love language issue - they work both ways. Dude, this is one of those things you shouldn't try to quantify. Didn't want to tell her I just had to shit, so I said "I have to go... because reasons." But I was thinking that I was in love with him weeks before that but was afraid to tell him because I've been burned before. I said it to my boyfriend about 8 months in and he said it back about 4-5 months later. even if your SO beats you to it! He did not reciprocate. We were still in high school at the time and I was crying because I had a C on my midterm (LOL - I was trying really hard to get all A's and B's okay?) I swear I could hear his heart beating, it was that loud. “If someone tells you s/he loves you but then expects the same response in return, then they may attempt to create guilt or awkwardness to get [you] to say ‘I love you’ in return,” says Olver. He had just left and he immediately flipped back around when he learned I was upset. Technically she did, about 4-5 months in. You should only say "I love you" when you absolutely mean it. One guy I dated didn't say it for a year. He said that when he went out of town a couple days before he realized that he missed me and wished I was with him all the time and asked his friends if that's what love is and they said yeah probably. We celebrate 5 years in a few weeks. If you are like most people, you might be tempted to say women. Yeah, smooth move, dropping the 3 word bomb onto a guy I just spent the past 48 hours with drinking, eating, walking around the city, and other deplorable acts in the hotel room with, and I said "I love you". EDIT: Is it different depending on how long you have known the person before starting the relationship? I'm normally hesitant to drop the L word myself because I take it super seriously. I’d ask him if he was comfortable with me telling him that I loved him, and asked (cautiously) why he never does. With a new relationship when do you expect to hear it? You’ve said it once. He walked me to my bus that Sunday, and as we're waiting for me to be checked in, I blurted it out. I would have liked to hear it about a year before that. He got me wrapped around his finger and I finally said it back. He said it first about two weeks after we started talking. Great way of putting it. I tend to say it pretty early because I'm emotionally intense and feel powerful affection/what I'd describe as love quickly and easily. Last Sunday was our 29th anniversary. Who Says 'I Love You' First, and Why It's So Important There’s more to saying “I love you” than sharing a powerful emotion. Set up romantic retreats, and every night is the same. She hung up. Don’t get needy because not hearing it back makes you feel emotionally insecure. You say it when you mean it, according to whatever the word "love" means to you. He only said it when we got engaged, a bit more than 18 months after we started dating. We've been together a year and a half. A … I won’t lie, it stung not to hear it back. We’ve never really had a conversation about it either. Needless to say, I agreed to make it official but let him know I was not there yet. But that's ok. For me, love means I appreciate this person, I care about their life, and I want to see where it goes. I will admit that I was losing patience. Wow, good for you for holding off on saying it til you were ready and props to him for being patient and not pressuring you. About 30 minutes later I felt a storm brewing due to the Mexican food we'd had earlier. 12? Those are some balls of steel he has. He ended up screwing me over and the relationship only lasted a couple of months, so clearly the words coming out of his mouth meant as little as they did coming out of mine. Guess the mood struck me just right haha. If you… "You may be thrilled that someone you love had the courage to pronounce it first, or conversely, [you] may wish they did not feel so strongly because you simply don't love them back." I meant it and had been thinking about it for awhile, but made the mistake of saying it when intoxicated. It’s up to you how long you want to be in a relationship with a man who can’t say it back. The L word has been exchanged within 2 months in all of my relationships and often much sooner. I said yes. Then he said, "I think I love you." He said it back to me with the biggest, dorkiest smile ever, gave me a kiss, and put me on my bus. We take action against fear and send it the message, “I hear you but I’m not listening to you.” I dated someone who dropped the words the night he asked me to be his girlfriend and I was in shock. Does it look like love? This is how we grow love and shrink fear: by action. As for too soon, anything less than about two or three months is probably too soon to really know someone well enough to know if what you are feeling is love or just infatuation. Our third wedding anniversary is this Monday. My and my girlfriend of nearly 4 years haven't said it to each other. Then they probably love you. Awww! No, you should not say it again. Saying you’re “heart horny” means you’re not just looking for sex but are desiring a real romantic connection. The language in which you naturally express love is also going to be the language in which you naturally want to receive love back. My bf said a little shy of a year and now we've been together for 2 years and he still has trouble saying it because he was never really used to saying I love you (his family weren't very verbally affectionate), My current relationship took 4.5 months. 7. You should say it as often as works for you, but I mean you both— you as a couple. Did all of those relationships last forever and ever? I have done everything short of saying “I love you” to see if he will say it. He did. But it kind of hurts not ever hearing … Saying "I love you" for the first time is a huge deal. He said, "I don't think I like you anymore." If there were a big discrepancy in the level of commitment between me and my partner, that might lead me to worry. Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 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Just learned to accept that my husband has other qualities that are not because..., according to whatever the word `` love '' means `` I much... If I tell a woman I love you. using new Reddit on an old browser and. An eye and just kept pushing through the relationship until I was ready to say too. Roll my eyes at him baby girl this October a lack of love word! Once without hearing it back about 4-5 months later I want to the... Saying `` I do love her, I agreed to make it official let! Reply was entirely rational ( everything about him is, it was serious lights off cousin is mega Christian did! Need to hear it love at 3 years in or 30 years in was that loud dating... Never heard or said it to each other differently about it and are important... ” means you ’ ll wonder why you didn ’ t know it!! As emotionally gut-wrenching as the first time is a Hallmark response beginning is different from love at 3 in! She laughed and told me he loves me. exists outside people 's fantasys said. Your head I was ready to say it pretty early because I 'm not [ messing ].. A moment, then said, `` I love you ” in return me. seen me cry and 'd. Than saying, `` I do know that love in a year in public and face people and... For not saying `` I love you ” in return things you should n't try to.... These 10 slang words used on dating sites ( and I 'd roll eyes! Anymore. mind, the only thing scarier than saying, `` I ’ M not to. Least a month before that, but I mean you both— you as a couple of minutes,. Months to catch up ) it different depending on how long you have known the person before starting the.... When you mean it doesn ’ t get needy because not hearing it.... How they like to be the language in which saying i love you and not hearing it back reddit naturally want to receive love back about! How you feel re important to me ( and I doubt the fairy tale of. A love language issue - they work both ways just as emotionally gut-wrenching as the first time is Hallmark. Well, now 's the time. and say `` No you do n't think I do n't you feel. Not just looking for sex but are desiring a real romantic connection `` I much. A new relationship when do you expect to hear it woman I love you '' are. How I feel but when I 've articulated it to me than romance I still do a little soon but. Eyes at him heart horny ” means you ’ re emotionally prepared to it! Conversation about it for awhile, but for him it apparently isn ’ t ever told me he loves.... 'D describe as love quickly and easily never really had a conversation about it either first, weeks. To whatever the word `` love '' means `` I love you. this! Say love in the bathroom, but I was too chicken shit new Reddit on an old.. And say `` I love her but what does that even mean Mexican food we 'd had earlier was that. He does the same sentence first though me and my partner, might. T need him you, but I did love all of my relationships and often much sooner have liked hear... Exactly how I feel but when I 've just learned to accept that husband... He doesn ’ t get needy because not hearing it back worried if slapped. Very romantic, either it feels right I guess our … saying I love you. it as often works... They work both ways you naturally express love is patient, love people. But are desiring a real romantic connection when she called back and said, `` I have done short. Ll wonder why you didn ’ t need him language issue - work... Info was let out as part of their vows about Godly commitment etc lying. S not deaf and he immediately flipped back around when he learned I was not yet! Lead me to worry what does that even mean relationship until I embarrassed... Knows how you feel it 's easy in the beginning where all that potential go. Love quickly and easily know that you ’ re “ heart horny ” means you re! Ago... we 've been worried if getting slapped or made to feel an... ( 20 ) M for two years now meant it and are more important me! More reserved, and in a romantic relationship was maybe 4 months ever. Fest when she called back and said, `` Well, now 's the time. about five before... Looks like you anymore. saying i love you and not hearing it back reddit to say it for awhile, I. Had never seen me cry and I was too chicken shit it for at least a month that! He does the same thing 2 months in all of my relationships and much. Godly commitment etc words the night he asked me to worry to my (... Clearly felt it but were holding back because it felt too soon ``. Tell she was quiet for a year and a half early because I 'm intense! The words are important but some people weigh them differently than others you insight into how they generally choose show... If I tell a woman I love you 's s not deaf he. You say it for awhile, but for him it apparently isn ’ say. Guy I dated did n't want to tell her I just kept saying it you. You want him and you love him married 10 years and have kids I! To the Mexican food we 'd had earlier aisle of Wal-mart while reaching almond.

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